Katharine

Conversations about Trauma, Violence, and Recovery

August 4, 2018 by Katharine

Dear Friends,

I don’t know if any tickets are still available, but if so then please join me for a discussion after the play Extremities. I have been invited to assist in a conversation after the play about the relevance of Extremities in our current 2018 culture, violence, #MeToo, and the somatic approach to resolving trauma. Looking forward to seeing you there!

The director of the play Tina Alexis Allen http://tinaalexisallen.com has just published a book that I highly recommend. Her book is about dangerous family secrets, lies, and truth telling. Her book is entitled Hiding Out, a Memoir of Drugs, Deception and Double Lives and can be found on Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/Hiding-Out-Memoir-Deception-Double/dp/0062565672

More info: dynamo-studio.com/projects

When The Attempt For Connection Fails

June 30, 2018 by Katharine

I feel so fortunate and grateful to have developed a wonderful community of friends and colleagues in the Somatic Experiencing world. Perhaps there is something about people who come together to learn how to heal trauma that already creates a unique kind of bond. We are pretty solid folks!

People who wish to relate directly with trauma are brave. We are brave because in learning how to relate and treat trauma, we must be experiential, meaning, we must relate to our own traumas. We know that there is definitely a way out. Trauma doesn’t need to be a permanent state of being. In fact, our bodies were not wired for it to be permanent. That is very, very good news and Somatic Practitioners know it.

Perhaps there is also something about learning a new skill, a new language and a new path forward for most of us trauma practitioners that also creates a deeper kind of bond within community. People who go through things together and come out on the other side tend to bond in the shared journey. We joyfully help each other out. I am deeply grateful for these connections.

We know that stress, especially chronic societal stress, can be profoundly dysregulating not only for individuals but also for the “societal body.” Society as a whole suffers just as if society itself were one giant being. The more complicated life becomes the more our own bodies have something to say about that ongoing stress and lack of simplicity or care in our own lives. This is true when we hear about the trauma and stress of others. As a society we are affected by the mistreatment, outright abuse, fear, and anxiety of others. We are society. We are that great big giant being. That great big giant being is affected.

Humans tend to rely or go back to what is most familiar for regulation. This is one way that we attempt to feel safe. Unfortunately, what is most familiar can also just be a very, very bad habit– an old “trauma map.” Addiction and accompanying denial, in its many forms, including various relational addictions can fall into this pattern. In our hope for a different outcome/different connection, we can actually deeply betray and even harm ourselves further. In some places they call this going to a hardware store to purchase some milk. It isn’t the hardware store that is the problem. The problem is that we have gone looking in the wrong place for something that we are not going to receive. The person, institution, group/collective body simply does not have what we need.

Our bodies are incredibly sane. It is only in understanding what it is that we are needing that we can find the proper situation or person to provide the connection/care that we seek. I often help the people who struggle with not getting their needs met know what it actually somatically feels like to be safe. I help them to understand that what they need is very valuable. Some people, like some collective groups and families, are present, open and able to relate directly with what is going on with traumatic events with honesty, humility and willingness to listen and change. Other people, groups, families, institutions can not be trusted. Be mindful of places, people, groups who use scapegoating, blaming, shaming, alienating, lying and control tactics when faced with frightening truths about themselves. These are not safe places to look for care.

I appreciate that the Somatic Experiencing world has a very deep understanding of early trauma states and how to work with them fully, openly and compassionately. Human beings actually need other human beings to help us to regulate when our nervous systems have become dysregulated. Human contact is a very important part of relating to trauma states. A deep component to trauma is where a person has not felt safe nor supported either during or after the event. Both the feeling of safety and support are very important human needs. In other words, a part of what makes something a trauma is that the person felt or continues to feel alone in trying to understand or survive the original event.

I feel that when we are looking for contact with another human being, this search for contact comes out of basic sanity within us. We are looking for safety. We are orienting. If our nervous systems are dysregulated and there is no one who is able to connect with us, then the trauma can become even more entrenched in our system. This is where I see peoples nervous systems collapse into very deep depression or much, much worse. They can simply give up on life. They no longer feel human and they certainly don’t worthy of connection.

So many of my patients express to me how lonely they feel. We know that people have become more and more isolated and that social media creates a false illusion of connection.

I have a squishy koosh ball in my office. When someone is feeling particularly lonely, I invite them to play a game of catch with me. This eye to eye contact as well as hand eye coordination immediately gets the ventral vagal system playing. This is our social engagement. We need social engagement to have healthy and happy nervous systems. Just a few tosses back and forth shifts the nervous system from dorsal vagal to ventral vagal. What this means in lay terms is someone moving from a state of being shut down, helpless, hopeless and lonely to emotionally present, calm and engaged. The ventral vagal has a calming and soothing affect on our stress. Sometimes, the simple question of “would you like some supportive touch right now” helps.

Images of children being separated from their parents at the border can be tremendously dysregulating for most of us. Our natural empathy and compassion simply cannot bear seeing these children and parents suffer. Our great big societal body is under great stress.

In these times of great societal pain, do not isolate. Find the support from others who can meet you right where you are. Above all else, please do not be going to the hardware store for milk.

Someone in pain recently reached out for connection with me. In that connection they shared this with me and I would now like to share it with you.

If you are brave enough

to stay with your pain-

to refuse to abandon yourself during the breaking-

to feel it all-

your reward

eventually is a brand new life.

The newness is so terrifying-

and hard-

and it’s also the whole damn point down here.

Don’t look back- we’re not going that way.

That’s then.

This is now.

Carry onward, warriors.

-Glennon Doyle

SaveSave

America’s Deep Dive

December 13, 2017 by Katharine

“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone.” ~ Joni Mitchell

Lately I have thought about the eclipse that passed over the United States this past fall. I have thought about how complete darkness was experienced, in the middle of the day, for some parts of our country before the light returned.

So much has occurred since then- since that total eclipse; and there are very few people that I speak with lately who don’t feel a sense of profound concern about our fragile democracy.

This is a dark night of the soul for America.

Awakening, it is said, can only occur after a dark night.

One thing that I do know about human beings is that it is very often when we fear that we are going backwards that we are actually being asked to go much, much deeper. We are going deeper into a wound that has already existed. We must walk through it, feel it, experience it, surrender to it, and survive it in order to truly become a different and more evolved human being. This demands courage.

Patriarchy likes to see things evolving in a linear fashion. Progress. The truth is that we actually live in and experience cycles. Women live cycles. Women are not “heroic” about time. Every 28 days or so we surrender to darkness and blood. We surrender to matter. These cycles become a part of lives. Anyone who studies astrology knows that issues that we had at one point of our life can return in a different fashion later on in our life. How can something that we experienced as a child be perceived with more maturity and ability to feel as an adult? How can we take the wounds of our past and transmute them into wisdom and compassion for both ourselves and for others? After all, wisdom most often comes out of pain and the willingness to learn from it.

When couples come to me due to marital issues, they can often find, to their shock, that they have actually married one of their parents. It is often the parent that they have had the most difficulty with. Men can marry their fathers and women can marry their mother. The Universe doesn’t give us a pass. If we are willing, we are asked to look deeper and to change.

What we could not escape as a child, we can choose to work with as an adult. For some adults this means deciding to leave a marriage. For others, most others, people choose to use the situation as a means to grow up and heal vis. a vis. the relationship. This can be one of the greatest gifts that a marriage can offer to us.

Experiencing difficulties in our lives doesn’t necessarily mean that we are “going backwards.” It means that we are actually going deeper.

When couples come to me in a crisis, I always say to them, “In order to heal- EVERYTHING has to be exposed. EVERYTHING.”

When it feels as if we are going backwards as a country I think, “No, we are being asked to take a deeper dive. We are being asked to tell the truth. We are being asked to realize just how precious our Democracy is. We are being asked to confront power dynamics, sexism, racism and tribal polarization. We are being asked to confront our deep national shame that our country was built upon the backs of human slaves. We are being asked to see where we have violated others rights and fallen asleep and forgotten to remember that “we the people” hold the power to change things. We hold the power. Thousands of years of patriarchy had us believe that there is an authority other than ourselves and as Gloria Steinem has said, “The answer is not going to be found in looking upward to a father who is in authority.”

When men and women come in to see me because their husband or wife has been unfaithful, it is hard for them to look and see how they might have some responsibility in the betrayal. It is painful to see that betrayal often begins with where we begin to betray ourselves.

When we blame others we maintain an addiction to victimhood. Taking personal responsibility by looking and owning ones own shadow is not easy, but it is what is required to grow and to change.

I believe that this is true for America right now. As a country, it is as if we are in a very bad marriage and it is horribly confusing. We are looking for the root cause.

If we are to grow, we can no longer blame. We must look. We must look at America’s shadow. We must look at the darkest truths of America’s soul. The President of the United States, in my very humble opinion, is unmasking the collectively agreed upon persona that Americans have hidden behind since WW II. We may just need to discover that we are our own government. Perhaps, right now, we need to stop externalizing leadership and what leadership is. Perhaps we will come to find out that our society is Basically Good no matter what corruption and disarray our government is in.

Lucifer means “Light Bringer.” Where we project the “devil” is where we might just find something important about ourselves. Where that light tends to land is something that we clearly have no control over. It is unnerving. When things are illuminated we see the dirt.

Please remember that the closer to dawn (awakening) we get, the darker the night is. At the other side of that darkness the sun begins to rise . We must take the long view. If you have a particularly hard time seeing in the dark, ask for some help. Walk with each other and have conversations. We are all in this together. I believe in us.

I know that change can only occur when one turns and faces what has been in hidden from oneself and American society is in a deep dive into its shadow. Let us all be conscious of this and what we choose to split off and have others carry for us.

It is only by facing what has been in the dark that one can truly become enlightened. Denying this essential truth is a very painful game of “hide and seek” that we will continue to play. I do not believe that any good can come from active denial and avoidance of the truth. It doesn’t work for individuals and it won’t work for a society.

When we realize that the way that we have been operating is no longer viable nor sustainable, then we must think out side of “norms”. This is where there is open space to begin to imagine brand new ways of being.

May I offer an inspiring documentary? https://www.tomorrow-documentary.com . Watch and let your mind open up to new ways of being in community, government, education, finance, and food production.

SaveSave

Healing With The Mother Goddess

May 4, 2017 by Katharine

(photo by Katharine Bainbridge)

In 2010 I left Los Angeles to go on a pilgrimage to the sacred sites of the feminine in Tibet and Nepal.

My first night in Tibet I had a dream. In the dream, I saw the Goddess touch the hand of a woman. While dreaming, I thought to myself, “This is like the Sistine Chapel, but instead of God touching the hand of man this is the Goddess touching woman. Still dreaming I thought, “This is creation.” I then saw a mandala with many symbols, numbers, triangles and circles- the sacred geometry of the Goddess. The dream was awe inspiring; it was also was a very powerful opening to my pilgrimage.

I found out the next day that an Ogress had formed the land of Tibet. This Ogress united in playful union with a red monkey and their union created the Tibetan people.

I visited a Tibetan Buddhist nunnery high up in the Himalayas that was quite seriously veiled from the rest of the world. After walking up out of a valley, following some goats and other Tibetan families up a hill, I heard the familiar song that is sung to Guru Rinpoche. I was thousands of miles away from Los Angeles up in the Himalayan mountains and I was able to recognize the song that the nuns were singing. Hearing this song is an example of the kind of powerful synchronic events that one can experience in the timeless groundlessness of travel.

Upon entering the main shrine room, the now familiar pungent smell of burning butter lamps filled my nostrils; I had to pinch myself with disbelief that I was actually sitting, singing and practicing with Tibetan Nuns. These nuns, of all ages, were surround by massive images of female deities covering the walls. As I got up to look more closely at these ancient images that were painted onto the walls, it struck me like a wave of grief that I did not grow up in a culture where I saw images of myself painted onto walls in any sacred or power filled ways. It was a deeply moving experience for me. I felt so safe. This nunnery was a welcome change from also witnessing, in Lhasa, very young Chinese men walking around with machine guns while grey haired and physically fragile men and women minded their own business performing their prostrations. Tibet is a vanishing world.

I experienced the highest of highs practicing in caves were Yeshe Tsogal practiced and become the first enlightened woman and I also experienced the lowest of lows after literally became ill and vomiting (because the energy was so intense) in Nepal at the Dakshinkali Temple- the Temple of Kali.

My trip included many surprising encounters both good and bad as well as within myself and without. By far, the most powerful was with Nepalese Shaman Aama Bombo.

When I met Aama, I had absolutely no idea who she was. I had no idea that she was actually one the 13 Indigenous Grandmothers. I thought that she was a Nepalese woman who happened to practice Shamanism and I wanted to learn from her. Through my time spent with Aama both in Nepal and while she visited the United States, she lovingly encouraged me to watch her work and to pursue my own healing abilities and to help others beyond traditional western psychotherapy. Through her translator she told me, “Of course you can and will do this, too. You will have to study hard.” Study hard I did and still do; I continue to learn as much as I can whenever and wherever possible. I am so grateful to her for recognizing me and for encouraging the awakening of my own healing gifts. My time with her was a kind of act of creation and it occurred from woman to woman.

How these Grandmothers came to be is an interesting story. It really comes down to one woman, Jeneane Prevatt whose doctoral studies took her to the C. G. Jung Institute in Zurich, where she became interested in the contributions of indigenous cultures. The Grandmothers are gathered from all over the world. Aama just happens to be one of them, and I was fortunate enough to have had a way to meet her through a friendship with another practicing shaman who had studied with Aama for years.

All of this being said, seven years later, I am still digesting the profundity of my pilgrimage.

In a statement from The International Council of Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers they say,

“We are deeply concerned with the unprecedented destruction of our Mother Earth: the contamination of our air, waters and soil; the atrocities of war; the global scourge of poverty; the threat of nuclear weapons and waste; the prevailing culture of materialism; the epidemics that threat the health of Earth’s peoples; and the destruction of indigenous ways of life. We believe that the teachings of our ancestors will light our way though an uncertain future. We join with all those who honor the Creator and all who work and pray for our children, for world peace, and for the healing of our Mother Earth.”

This May find a most special way to honor the Earth and the feminine. May is the month, in the United States, where we celebrate Mother’s Day.

This issue of healing the feminine comes up over and over and over again with the women that I work with. Why? Because it comes up again and again within myself. Over thousands of years of Patriarchy demands this healing now.

Aama heals through the energy of Kali. I feel that, like my dream in Tibet, it is the Goddess who was touching her in order to touch me in order for me to touch you.

Women create when working and being together. I also think that we know, deep down inside, that without helping and pulling each other up as women that there is no way to survive.

Let us women find unique ways to work together.

Be well in the month of May- the month that we celebrate our personal mother. Do what you can to assist in healing yourself, each other and this most precious and profoundly magical planet of ours.

IN HONOR OF THE GREAT MOTHER

May Affirmation: The planet is a living body. I am a living body. I am a part of the Earth and she is a part of me. I treat both with loving respect and regard so as to insure a fortunate future of humanity.

SaveSave

Revolution

February 9, 2017 by Katharine

“I will take the sun into my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
Alive
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness.”
~ e.e. cummings

I have not been able to sit down and write a blog since the election. In all honesty, I have had 4 viruses since Thanksgiving.

Some people are calling it “Trumpitis”.

What I do know is that cold viruses tend to occur, from one point of view, when there is a great deal of confusion in the mind about an issue. There is often a feeling of being overwhelmed and not able to sort something out.

Also, from the point of view of decoding illness based upon the study of German New Medicine, we tend to have more viruses in the winter time because the sun is farther away. Symbolically the sun represents the father principle and when we feel the sun’s distance, as we do in the winter time, there is a aspect of us that feels unsafe and this lowers our systems ability to fight viruses.

Whether you believe these ideas or not, we can all agree that people catch more colds and flus in the winter time.

I happen to believe that cold and flu viruses do come on due to the emotional/psychological conflicts that I described above.

This year, we have more than our share of both confusion as well as a profound collective feeling of WHERE IN THE WORLD IS THE FATHER? Who or what is in actually charge?

Like I said, I have had 4 different viruses.

Because I believe that illnesses are due to an unresolved emotional conflict, I decided to do a little emotional house cleaning.

I decided that the core emotional issue for me was a feeling of “lack of trust.” I then inquired into what was it exactly that I didn’t trust? To say that I don’t trust this new administration is a given. So, I had to go deeper.

The deeper that I inquired, I kept returning to the fact that, for me, too much media intake was creating greater confusion as well as a feeling of mistrust of life itself. There were too many stories, too many headlines, too much “breaking news” for me to even begin to digest anything that was happening. My body was telling me that things were out of balance.

I had to begin to simplify things in my life. I had to remember to breathe. I had to see and admit that I was actually traumatizing myself. I had to make new choices regarding my day. I had to ground myself in my spiritual practices. I had to listen to more music and read more inspirational books. I spent more time outside taking photographs- one of my precious hobbies.

I kept thinking, “Despite it all, I am actually in charge of my own mind”.

I also kept thinking of a scene from the film KUNDUN. The scene that returned to my mind was where Chairman Mao says to the young Dalai Lama, “I have come to liberate you.” The Dalai Lama turns to Mao and says, “You cannot liberate me, I can only liberate myself.”

I thought to myself, “This administration cannot torture me, I can only torture myself out of fear and inner instability and chaos that is created of not trusting life.”

We all need to do whatever we can to have a voice. We need to protest when necessary. We need to help protect those who need our protection and collective strength. We also need to know that certain karmas have to play themselves out collectively.

What we do with our own minds, hearts and bodies in the meantime is what is most essential.

This administration has given me an opportunity to work with my own anger. It has also provided me an opportunity to see a collective outpouring of love and goodwill to other human beings. In Buddhism we talk about things co-emergently arising. In other words, neurosis and awake mind arise side by side. You cannot have one without the other. The idea is to transform confusion into wisdom.

So, I have decided to not focus on a single person or people- instead, I have chosen to see that change is afoot. There are enormous changes taking place all over the world and I am just one tiny person who gets up and has her coffee and sits down to meditate. There is not a whole lot that I can do except to do what is most vital which is to practice a great deal of self care, to care for others and to not contribute my own feelings of anger into the stream.

There are moments where, in my heart, I say, “I love you” to those who frighten me most. Those moments are brief, but they are there. When those moments are there, I feel free. That is the revolution. For me, that is the revolution. In the end, this administration may just, inadvertently, do the opposite of what they intend. They may just, actually, end up bringing us all together.

In the meantime I have some helpful tips for you-

Limit your media intake and this includes all social media.

Take a walk outside and look up at the sky. Use all of your sense perceptions to open up to the world around you and to assist you in getting “out of your head.”

Say “hello” and connect with a total stranger. Smile and wish them good will.

Listen to some beautiful music, or, for that matter, some good rock and roll.

If you are feeling unsafe and untrusting try using the flower essence Pink Lady Slipper.

Smell some essential oils. I happen to like a product called “Cheer Up Buttercup” by NOW essential oils. It is a combination of Bergamot Oil, Orange Oil, Grapefruit Oil and Lemon & Lime Oil.

Stretch often.

Read STRENGTH TO LOVE by Martin Luther King, Jr., HOPE IN THE DARK: UNTOLD HISTORIES, WILD POSSIBILITIES by Rebecca Solnit, and THE SHAMBHALA PRINCIPLE by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche.

Politely walk away from aggressive conversations.

Try to focus on what you see is actually opening up and awakening in society as opposed to what is crazy making and filling up space with various dramas.

Keep a journal of gratitude.

Do two action items daily to help yourself feel involved and empowered such as writing to your congressman or woman.

Become more civically involved. Donate financially to a worthy cause that you believe it.

Stay connected with the arts. Art tells the truth and this includes all forms of satire.

Also, energy healing is very helpful to balance our nervous system and many people have been coming in for Shamanic Counseling to ask important questions and allow a direct revelation be there own guiding star through these very dark times.

Here is a link to a beautiful piece of music by Keith Jarrett. Listen, open up your heart (because the world needs it), light a candle and BREATHE….

SaveSave